After EMDR: what happens in the days after a session

Most people expect the work to happen in the room. A lot of it happens after you've gone home. If you feel different in the days after a session, better or worse, that isn't the work failing. It's the work still going.

I tell every client this before they leave, and most forget it by the time they reach the car. So here it is in writing, for the days when you need it.

Why it carries on after you leave

In an EMDR session I'm not talking you through a memory. I'm getting your brain to reprocess it, so the old charge attached to it can finally discharge. That doesn't switch off when the hour ends.

Your brain keeps sorting through what we opened for the next few days, mostly while you sleep. Old memories link up, feelings you've held down for years surface, and patterns you've run on autopilot start to loosen. The hour we spend together starts it. The 24 to 72 hours after are where a lot of it lands.

What you might notice

Not everyone feels much at all. Some people feel a lot. Both are normal, and neither tells you how well the work went. Over the next few days you might notice:

• Tiredness. A heavy, wrung-out feeling, like you've been to the gym in your head.
• Vivid dreams. Often strange, sometimes about the very thing we worked on.
• Old memories popping up. Ones you haven't thought about in years, sometimes linked to the session and sometimes seemingly random.
• A mood you can't shake. Flat, irritable or tearful, and aware of it without being able to snap out of it.
• Pulling away. Going quiet with the people closest to you, or being shorter with them than usual.
• Feeling lighter. Something that used to set you off just doesn't land the same.

Whatever shows up, it's your system working through something, not you going backwards. It usually settles on its own within a few days.

What I ask you to do

1. Keep a short log. When something comes up, jot it down in a line or two: what happened, what you felt, where you felt it in your body. Don't analyse it. Just capture it and bring it to our next session. This is often where the next piece of work comes from.
2. Use your calm place. The resource we set up in session is there for exactly this. When a feeling builds, go to it for a few minutes and let your breathing slow down.
3. Put it in the container. If something feels too big to deal with right now, use the container exercise to park it. It'll keep until we're together.
4. Look after the basics. Sleep, water, food, and a walk outside. Your brain is doing heavy work and it needs fuel and rest.
5. Go easy on alcohol and anything else that numbs. It blunts what your system is trying to finish, and it tends to make a low mood lower.
6. Tell someone close to you. Let the people around you know you're doing some work on yourself and might need a bit of space for a day or two.

What not to do

• Don't try to work it out. Picking apart why you feel a certain way pulls you back into the story we're trying to move you out of. Notice it, log it, leave it.
• Don't fight it. Forcing a feeling down usually makes it louder. Let it pass through.
• Don't make big decisions. If you're in a dip, it's not the day to send the long message, quit the job or have the big conversation. Give it 48 hours.
• Don't decide the work isn't for you. An unsettled few days is a common reason people stop, and it's often the point where the real shift is happening.

When to message me

Message me if a low mood lasts more than three days, if something comes up that feels too big to hold, or if you just want to check what you're feeling is normal. Don't sit on it, and don't wait for our next session to tell me. I'd rather hear from you on day one than find out a month later.

If you ever feel unsafe or have thoughts of harming yourself, contact your GP, call NHS 111, or call Samaritans on 116 123 straight away, then let me know.

It means something is moving

Patterns that have run for years don't shift quietly. When something stirs after a session, it's usually because we've reached the part that's been holding the pattern in place. That's not a setback. It tells me where to go next.

Bring what you noticed to your next session. It's often the most useful thing we'll work with.